Compassionate I’m Not

I’m really not.  At least not with certain people.  I could use the excuse that they have been saying and doing the same things for ten years and nothing has changed.  I could use the excuse that someone has to be honest with these people when they are being ridiculous.  I could use so many excuses for my lack of compassion. 

The mercy I give, will be the mercy I receive.  I’m doomed.

I am so unbelievably tired of the self-delusion and blind denial of some people.  I could cheerfully throttle them.  Arrrggghhhhh! 

Here’s the funny part.  They already know I don’t tolerate stupidity well, and they STILL call me.  Gluttons for punishment.

I don’t mean to be, I really don’t consciously try to be, I don’t want to be, but I am a class A b#$%.  I’m an honest one, but still.

Yeah, and God has been dealing with me on it. 

I’m not a people person.  People wear me out.  I honestly have a hard time being more than superficial with most people.  And yet, Jesus commands us to “Love your neighbor”.  Ewwww!  Do I have to?  Really?

Did you know that people are smelly, and dirty, and grungy, and ridiculous, and they talk funny,and they do really stooopid things, and they sometimes want to drag you into their stupidity, and they can be mean and cranky (oops! that would be me), and ugly, and unfaithful, and ….and….and.

And God sent His son to spend 33 years in the midst of them.  To die for them too. Just like for me.

So, He’s been dealing with me about it.  Last night He gave me the opportunity to practice my compassion.  Hah!  Failed again.  Sigh.

Back to the drawing board.


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Am I there yet?
    Aug 07, 2009 @ 04:04:31

    i KNEW there was something about you that i recognized!!
    i feel the same way and then i feel guilty! I feel like i should like people more….i mean, i don’t DISLIKE them, it just takes so much energy to do more than superficial chitchat….give me just a couple close friends and the rest i am ok being just an acquaintance to!!!!

    thank you for describing me so perfectly! i don’t feel so bad anymore because i know i am not the only one who feels this way!!!!


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